My Commencement Address at My Son's Graduation

We reflect on graduation rituals, and imagine giving words of wisdom to the guests of honor.

Atlanta, GA

May 25, 2023

At the risk of revealing my teenage popularity, we begin with a confession.

When I finished high school, I don’t remember slews of “graduation parties” being laid out like carved ham at Easter dinner. Or maybe I wasn’t meant to know. Perhaps they were served under the table, reserved for opportunistic poodles who were always aware of the place to be.

But there’s no shortage now. These final-year fiestas have apparently been de rigueur for years. The last few weeks, like a charged current in an electric circuit, our younger son has flowed thru a series of celebrations honoring his fellow graduates. 

Last weekend, the spotlight shifted, and fell on him. His uncle and grandparents came to town, joining an aunt and uncle already here. We all went out for a family dinner Saturday night. 

The next afternoon, we co-hosted his own graduation party at the home of a friend. We had a terrific time honoring our son, meeting new people, and catching up with visiting family and old friends.

Fully fêted, it was time for our high school senior to pick up his parchment. The pomp and circumstance were last night, in the Convocation Center at Kennesaw State University.

Throughout the week, KSU hosted commencements for every high school in the county, rotating graduation ceremonies like seasonal crops in Midwestern soil. 

Ours was planted at the end of the day. We arrived an hour early for the 7:30 start. Outside the arena, we lengthened a line resembling Monday morning security at the Atlanta airport. We wound our way to the entrance, showed our credentials, and took our seats.

Before diplomas were distributed, a few speeches were given. The class president and Valedictorian provided predictable boilerplate about surviving high school and what it means to get out. 

After the principal spoke, event organizers made the mistake of asking my son’s father to say a few words. After taking the stage and approaching the lectern, your correspondent adjusted his mic and surveyed the crowd.

Then, he opened his mouth…and inserted his foot:

“Welcome graduates, faculty, and distinguished guests. Tonight we honor these new graduates for a job well done. Not that they cured cancer or ended the Fed. But they did what they were expected to do.

“Some did it better than others, as denoted by various designations in your programs and awards around their necks. Some honorees are so decorated that I’m tempted to put Christmas presents under them. They earned their accolades and should be proud.

“But while we raise our glasses, let’s pour some cold water. As we applaud the seniors wearing their caps, let’s ensure their heads still fit thru the door.

“In a sense, high school graduation shouldn’t be a big deal. Not long ago, a high school diploma was more distinctive than it is today. It wasn’t a given that everyone would (or should) get one. In a few minutes, each of you will…joining thousands of others who’ve sat here this week, and millions more around the US.

“It’s nice. But it’s hardly novel.

“This year 85% of Georgia students will receive a secondary degree. Ten years ago, only 70% did. Four decades earlier, fewer than half the kids shifted a tassel from right to left.

“As with people, these numbers aren’t inherently good or bad. But, as Bill Bonner puts it, they are subject to influence. 

“Government funding, corporate clout, state accreditation, academic rankings, political perks, and preservation of employment are all contingent on more students attaining the document you’re about to receive. 

“And that’s what motivates many administrators and bureaucrats who are now fuming in their seats for the obvious mistake of asking me to speak.

“Grades and tests should reflect ability, acumen, knowledge, and character. To an extent, they still do. But more and more they’ve become ends in themselves.

Like paper currency from a central bank, grades have inflated…and been diluted. And homogenized teaching is increasingly geared toward “national” criteria on standardized tests.

“A third of tonight’s graduates leave high school with a GPA above 4.0. That wasn’t even possible when I left school. Does that mean you are “smarter” than we were? Or do you simply think you’re taller because fewer inches now comprise a foot?

“Greater graduation rates could reflect rising wisdom, enlightened minds, and intellectual achievement. Or they could simply be another example of everybody getting a trophy. 

“Which is it? Who knows? It’s tough to trust the view thru a distorted lens. But we’ll let the audience open a window to the world, and decide for themselves. 

“You’ll be pleased to know my allotted time is shorter than your remaining patience. But before the gong sounds and the hook comes out, here are more morsels to keep you from bursting your britches.

“Most of you will be going to college [finally…some applause erupts]. Very few of you probably should [suddenly…the silence returns]. 

“If a high school diploma is generally overrated, a college degree is increasingly worthless. 

“Much of Academia has become a racket whereby the education complex, the financial “services” industry, corporate interests, and government henchmen convince hordes of hapless kids they must pay or borrow hundreds of thousands as the only hope of getting a job.

“Most of it is a swindle and a scam. Don’t fall for it, except insofar as it introduces you to the conniving corruption, double-dealing, and fraud you’ll inevitably encounter in the ‘real world’.

“Unless you’re studying engineering, certain sciences, or maybe medicine, four years enjoying the “college experience” at an academic country club is probably a waste of your time and your parents’ money. 

“But if you do plan to attend a university, and are considering any major with the word ‘studies’ in the title…stop now. You’ll thank me later. Instead, become an apprentice, practice plumbing, study carpentry, take up farming, or learn to code. In fact, you should do that anyway.

“Your top priority when you leave this room is to acquire skills and provide value. Then use the money you would’ve wasted on college to start a business or buy a house.

“But whether you go to school or not, you must be equipped to find your path. To help you go as far as you can, I want to leave you with a few aphorisms, bon mots, and penseés I’ve discovered or stolen (and too often ignored) along the way.

“You are entering what is in many ways the most important decade of your life. Your twenties are the time to lay your foundation. But you must first understand what you want to build, and begin compiling the bricks your edifice requires.

“These are the years to find out what those are. Ask lots of questions, particularly those starting with the words “why”, what”, “who”, “when”, “where”, and “how”. But don’t ask anything you could’ve easily looked up. Be curious and offer to help. Arrive early and stay late.

“Expand your network, but be strategic about who you include. Avoid negative influences. Be willing to give most people a second chance, but none a third. Surround yourself with those who’ve succeeded and who are willing to assist. But always bring something to the table before requesting they do.

“Don’t worry about having little experience or no money. At this point, no one expects you to have either, and almost everyone is willing to help you get both. By the time you’re thirty, that will no longer be true.

“Always do more than what you’ve been asked. This is the time to build your arsenal and prove yourself. Be willing to experiment in order to gain experience. Figure out what you like and what you loathe, what you’re good at and what you should delegate.

Try new things, see new places. To paraphrase that wise sage, Dory, from Finding Nemo, “if you never let anything happen to you, nothing will ever to happen to you.”

“Use these years to create your blueprint. Make your character your concrete, your habits your steel. Resist temptations that cause cracks or create rust. Reinforced by Faith and fortified by discipline, you won’t be felled by passing fads or a trendy breeze.

“Put your phone down, pull your shoulders back, and keep your head up. Walk with purpose and step with pep. Seek people who’ve been where you want to go.

“Ask them questions, and look them in the eye. Have a firm handshake and be first to say hello. Say “please” often and “thank you” a lot.

“Praise in public; criticize in private. Seek excellence, but not perfection. Worry less about who’s right than what’s right.

“Never be afraid to say ‘I don’t know’, ‘I need help’, or ‘I’m sorry’. But when admitting mistakes, do so without throwing away the glimmers of truth you acquired while making them.

“Stay curious. Figuratively and literally, teach classes and be a student. As your class president reminded you in his speech tonight, ‘you each have a talent. It’s your job to find it.’

“Use time wisely. As Benjamin Franklin said, it is the stuff of which life is made. And it’s short. Everyone else’s is too, so respect it. Be punctual. Never say you’re “too busy” or “don’t have time.” It only makes you look inefficient and disorganized.

“You have as much time as anyone else. It’s just that successful people extract more from it. Besides, no one cares that your “busy”. Everyone is. But few prioritize effectively. Be among those who do.

“Take responsibility and discard excuses. Assume whatever happens is your fault. Rather than assess blame, ask what you could’ve done different to dodge the damage. This may sound strange, and perhaps even silly. But it’s actually empowering. It forces you to contemplate consequences and anticipate action, which puts you in charge.

“Make the most of “bad” situations. As often as not, they end up as meaningless moments or hidden blessings.

“Always look ahead, and lengthen your horizons. Delay gratification and prioritize discipline. Most decisions we regret were made for temporary pleasure. High-achievers focus on the prize, low-achievers on the price. Winners value the ends; losers emphasize the means.

“Manage your expenses and your mind your temperament. Money is like trust: easy to lose, and hard to earn back.

“Accumulating wealth is like winning a war. Keeping it is like protecting the fort. Concentrate forces to capture ground. To retain what you’ve conquered, diversify troops and guard your flank.

“Big trends and proper allocation matter more than specific investments or individual stocks. It’s more important to be on the right bus than in the best seat.

“And finally…and this is perhaps the most important point as we conclude this evening…if angry, write your response and sleep before sending.

Then, when a new day dawns…

…delete it.”

JD